Source: weheartit.com
“Being single entitles you to not ask someone’s opinion before you do something to mess up your own room, your credit report or even your life.”
- Sayali Patil
“I’m single because I was born that way.”
-Mae West“When you’re single, your pockets will jingle.”
- Anonymous
I have a confession to make. I’ve been single for almost 11 months. Not only have I been single for 11 months, my romantic rendevous are unabashed solo acts. Contrary to the popular notion of how a young, fabulous and sexually fluid college student should behave (thank you, Aileen Chaiken!), you probably won’t find me in the toilets at Connections demonstrating ample finger dexterity. I’m highly unlikely to let my hands do the talking just because a tattooed dream in lady loving heaven has force fed me daquiries all night. Being single is a choice I’ve made, and I’m kind of reluctant to loosen my clutches on my claim to the life of a swinging bachelorette. Why?
I’m picky. I don’t have a list per se, but I’ve made a note of whom I wouldn’t want to waste a minute of my time directing to a tampon dispenser. Whereas most members of the lonely hearts club compile a grocery list of sorts of their ideal lover, I compile a DO NOT WANT list (mentally, I don’t physically sit around with my feather quill stuffed up my nose hoping to pick my brain for compatible characteristics that my future wife/husband should have). What does your list look like? Do you compile one at all?
I’m judgmental. I believe that a person’s taste says a lot about their personality. If you can’t respect my heaving library or share a similar admiration for the joys of FASHUN, I can no longer remain objective. They say opposites attract, and perhaps they do. I believe that when two totally different personality types collide in this universe, novelty usually overpowers foresight and common sense. Generally, the honeymoon period is spent observing the other species with a wild fascination and awe. Shortly after, the urge to convert follows, as partners try to fit their square pegs in round holes. Eventually, they realise that they’ll never be able to agree on a playlist for their car, or their taste in furniture is too dissimilar and they throw their hands up in the air and wish for the past two years of their life back whilst purging stray Sugar Ray albums from their iTunes. Do opposites really attract?
I get bored easily. If a person’s personality resembles a rubix cube of puzzles to solve and tricks to remember, most people will probably tire, stretch their fingers and do their best banshee impersonation. If you have to work to solve a jigsaw puzzle of a person, you better be getting paid, working girl. Hard to get? Or hard to tolerate?
Perhaps I’m being a little too close-minded when it comes to entering the shark pool, but time is like the purest of gold. I don’t like wasting it, and especially not with people I deem unworthy of my attention. It’s the last tub of your favourite ice cream out the back at Coles. You want to savour it, swirl it around your mouth before making your tummy sing a happy tune. Why waste your time? In my honest opinion, being single blows coupledom out of the water with a tsunami of benefits.
- You always get to choose where you go on a date. Imagine a night free of quarreling, 100% enjoyment and synchronicity. I like taking myself on solo dates to the art gallery. I get to choose where I take me, myself and I, and there is no one else’s interests to consider. Simply 100% pure indulgement. It also makes the date a whole lot cheaper! Added bonus: no one thinks you’re a scrooge for bringing a lunch from home.
- You can fart in bed and no one will care.
- There won’t be anyone to criticise your garlic breathe. Eat the dang pizza woman!
- Appearances are negligible. Presentation of the (best) self is 99% of the time based upon performances. In an ideal world, people would be able to see past your acne, your regrowth and jolly love handles. Unfortunately, personality is seen to be an inherent part of a person’s outward projection. Who would YOU rather associate with? A perfectly groomed fashionista? Or an unkempt and slightly overweight person? It’s called the Halo Effect, which basically means that people who are perceived to be attractive have a definite advantage over common folk when it comes to getting through life successfully. Fortunately, when I spend time alone, I have no one else to judge me. I know that sometimes I’m winning at life, and I don’t need to look a million dollars to convince the girl in the mirror.
- Having a shit-tastic day? That’s okay! So is your other half (i.e: you!). Take some time to chill out with your misery. Hold it’s hand, let it know it’s okay to feel like your soul’s been chucked in a blender on pulse.
Do yourself a favour. Say nay to serial monogomy. Be your own number one fan.
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